Y O U

I questioned myself every night – wait, should I call it every time? Okay! okay! It must be every time! Because you are always the content of my mind. Believe me, I am striving hard to forget you! But why can’t I? For almost 3 years that we haven’t seen each other, why can’t I remove my feelings for you? There was a time that I wasn’t thinking of you anymore. I was reaching the side of joy for at last I can able to say I MOVED ON!

But at all sudden, everything was ruined just because of your presence in my dream. If only I knew that you would be in my dream at that night- no.. no… It was actually at dawn! If only I knew, I shouldn’t have slept! So I would never think of you ever again!

I’d say, here it goes again… my heart bounds to everlasting. Lost in my insanity again, assuming to the occurrence that will never ever happen. But what’s the worst and the top heartbreak of my lunation? It is probably the fact that THERE WAS NO US, THERE IS NO US, THERE WILL NEVER BE AN US.

I know that it is just a one-sided love. It is me who secretly loved you the most, even though I knew from the start that my feelings shouldn’t be tolerated. It is all my fault, and I admit it from the bottom of my stoned heart. I really tried and forced myself not to get things worst, because I know that it is me who will suffer and currently, I am now suffering.

I’m sorry! I am very sorry for feeling this way towards you. I am sorry for being such a disturbance. I am sorry for assuming. I am sorry for confessing the way I feel. I shouldn’t have done that, it was a big mistake. I am sorry for I wasn’t able to control and stop everything. I know that you are avoiding me now. At some point, I know it is for each sake.

Once again, I am sorry and thank you for everything. I am happy for your accomplishments. I am happy for the steps that you take for your dreams.

The Mistake

Why am I feeling like this way?
I can’t take ye out of my mind.
I tried myself not to remember ye,
But my sense keeps on uplifting the memories we had.

I miss you, very much.
I love you, so much.
But everytime I look at myself in the mirror,
I see the useless and worthless per.

I love seeing your pictures, our pictures.
Then I realized how crummy and lousy I am.
And these, these breaks my heart into pieces,
’cause no one likes me and I know, no one will ever like and love me.

I am brainless.
I am a fat tall ugly duckling!
I don’t deserve anything in this world.
I am just an unimportant one, that has no rights in this elysium world!

Guess what?
I regret it! I regret it! Damn it!
It was a mistake! A huge mistake!
I shouldn’t have done those things to you.

Though believe me, I tried!
I really tried and even forced myself,
Just to forget you but I’m sorry I failed.
My feelings grow bigger and stronger

A Poem To The Man Who Will Never Be Mine

I miss your eyes covered by eyeglasses!
I miss your sweet manly voice!
I miss your pedantic answers!
I miss your presence!
I miss your smile!
I miss how rigorous you are!
I miss how scary you were because of being strict!
I miss the awkwardness I felt!
I miss the way you cared!
I miss the comfort you offered!
I miss being so weird!
I miss being unimpeachable when I’m with you!
I miss every piece of you!
I miss staring at you secretly!
I miss your calls!
I miss your texts!
I miss the conversations!
I miss how you build me up!
I miss you more than the words I can say!

Tell me please,
When am I going to see you again?

Since then until now, I wish to hold those hands of yours with no limits.

(But sadly, it is impossible to happen)